WEEKLY TAROT: 17/02/20
Dreaming of Reality
Last night, I dreamt I was in high school again. Whenever I dream about high school, I know I’m in for a rough, emotional ride through the origins of my insecurities. I’ll dream about papers being submitted late and exams having to be rewritten. Putting my foot in my mouth in any and all social situations. And also running? Lots and lots of running, but never being quite able to outrun whatever it is I’m trying to run from fast enough. Apparently this is a thing that a lot of people dream about—losing the ability to run. Although this doesn’t make any sense to us while we're dreaming, there is, in fact, a logical explanation for it. Science Side of Twitter (the apex of reputable sources for all things science) tells me this happens because usually when we dream, we are in a REM stage of sleep, during which our brain disconnects from our skeletal muscles so we don’t act out our dreams in real life. Essentially, you can’t run in your dreams because it would be bad if you literally started running in the real world and put yourself or anyone else in danger. Thank you, Brain (and Science Side of Twitter).
But there’s also a reason why we dream about feeling the need to run from something in the first place. That being, our subconscious fears and anxieties. During the day, our brain internalizes certain situations, people, and feelings that made us feel not so great. Then, at the end of the day, we visualize those feelings in our dreams, usually in a pretty bizarre manner. Like not being able to run from something. Or, like the dream I had last night. I was driving home from school and another student was terrorizing me by tailgating me, constantly shouting at me for driving too slow. When I pushed on the gas pedal to go faster, my car wouldn’t speed up. Then, to my horror, this person pulled up next to me with his window down, which for some reason caused my window to roll down too, and he threw a pillow at me. A pillow. He drove away cackling and I was mortified! I was so upset and angry and convinced that this person had committed a heinous crime by tailgating me and throwing a pillow at me. Which for some reason also really hurt? So the next day, I went to school to meet with the principal to complain about this student. I was so enraged and felt certain that she would side with me and expel him. But she didn’t. “He threw a pillow at you?” She laughed in my face. I felt so betrayed, like I knew my feelings of being violated were valid, but that I had failed at convincing someone in a position of power to acknowledge my suffering (very deep suffering!).
When I woke up, I was, logically, confused. Why was I so upset that this person threw a pillow at me? Really though, my brain was reliving the trauma of feeling like I always have to justify my pain to others—and my fear of failing to. Which led me to acknowledge that I also have a deeper inclination towards feeling like I have to justify my existence and my choices to an imaginary group of people (society) who I’ve convinced myself are constantly judging me. These are the sort of abstract truths revealed to us in our dreams that we find hidden beneath all the nonsensical projections of them. They are the subconscious currents of our minds that The Moon illuminates for us.
The Moon wants us to get in touch with our intuition. Here, we can detach from the logical, ordered structures of our daytime lives, and we can embrace the emotional, illogical, yet deeply human aspects of our universe that most potently reveal themselves to us in the darkness of the night. Although night has always been associated with the unknown and that which we should protect ourselves from, The Moon asks us to deconstruct these belief structures by acknowledging the behavioural patterns that hold us back from venturing into the darkness. We may lose ourselves in the darkness from time to time, but never forever. The Sun always rises, too.